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1983, nasceva mia sorella ed usciva il primo LP Bimbomix,una compilation delle migliori hit per bambini. Qualche anno dopo avrei imparato a far funzionare il giradischi e a far girare quel vinile in continuazione.  La terza traccia era in spagnolo e descriveva una scenario post apocalittico:

«La bomba estallò
Las radiaciones tuestan
Y matizan de azul»
ma questo io non lo sapevo, sapevo solo cantare Vamos alla playa Click here to read more.. »

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al locale

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«I pisciatoi a muro!  penso il miglior vantaggio che abbia l’uomo sulla donna sia proprio quello di poter usare i pisciatoi a muro.
E non si piscia tutti attaccati!.. se ne lascia uno vuoto se si può, anche perchè studi dimostrano che se si piscia attaccati ci si mettono ben 3.5 secondi in piu per “partire”.» Click here to read more.. »

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la telefonata

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«Si, pronto?»
«Salve, sono Enel…»
«Si guardi non mi interessa.»
«Cosa non le interessa?»
«Quello che vuole propormi»
«ma se non le ho ancora detto niente»
«è dica»
«Noi siamo sempre enel, però operiamo nel settore privato»
«Ecco già non mi interessa più, buona giornata» Click here to read more.. »

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Quell’estate del 2007 che fui salumiere


22 luglio:
Signora: “Mi dia 2 banane”
Bracchetto: “Ecco qua signora… 2.30 euro l’una… totale 4.60..”
Signora: ” o_o … però quanto costano…”
[evoluzione… le banane non vanno prezzate al pezzo, ma al chilo!!!!]

Signore: “Mi dia 1hg di crudo”
Bracchetto: “Questo va bene?” (bracchetto mostra al cliente un cosciotto)
Signore: ” o_o … ma quello è cotto!!!”

Signora: “Un po’ di Asiago dolce”
Bracchetto: “Se taglio qui va bene?”
Signora: “Si, va bene”
Capo market: “Guarda che quello è fontina!!” Click here to read more.. »

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Avrò fatto si e no 2 o 3 colloqui in tutta la mia vita. Il primo era un di quei lavori a sfruttamento, tipo centralinista, solo che l’annuncio diceva: lavoro in campo delle telecomunicazioni. Perfortuna essendo mantenuto potei rifiutare.
Il lavoro estivo nella fabbrica vicino a casa fu qualcosa tipo« sai usare un trapano?», il giorno dopo ci fu la mia giornata di prova, 8 ore ad allargare dei buchi col trapano. Il che non era male come lavoro, ti da un certo sollievo trapanare cose. Penso che abbia a che fare con il nostro istinto maschile , solo bisogna stare attenti a non maturare una certa dipendenza per l’attrezzo. Come quel mio amico che trapanò metà motorino convinto di aumentarne le prestazioni o di quell’altro che si potrebbe dire che ha una vera e proprio dipendenza. Non lo da a vedere e se glielo chiedi lui nega, ma di tanto in tanto trapana i muri di casa sua di qui e di la inventanto le scuse più improbabili.
Ovviamente trapanai solo il primo giorno, per i restanti 3 anni di lavoro estivo fui l’addetto alla pressa idraulica che al nostro istinto maschile non interessa minimamente.
(ringraziatemi officine, le cassette portabulloni sono state pressate da me.) Click here to read more.. »

Posted in racconti erranti